You aren’t a Hott Mess, you are a Masterpiece!
This is bits and pieces of my testimony and a message that I shared in a session at women’s conference in November of this past year. My granny was at the conference, and later commented that it was “awkwardly transparent “. I think that probably sums me up pretty well, so I took it as a compliment. LOL. This is transparent. It is personal and vulnerable, but I think it is worth the risk of sharing.I have had several of those women message me and thank me for sharing, because it changed their perspective on some things that have happened in their lives.
I wanted to share it here, with you, in hopes that even one person might realize that their life is not a mess, but a masterpiece.
People who know bits of my life will genuinely ask me, “How are you so normal?” And the only plausible answer is “Jesus”. I’m not being cliche, I’m not kidding, I’m not brushing them off with a smile - the truth is that simple. He’s the only answer.
My prayer, if you are reading this - Is that you understand with confidence, that God has got you, no matter what it looks like in the moment!
You aren’t a Hott Mess, you are a Masterpiece!
If you will let it, your life story can be a beautiful testimony. If you will yield to the hand of God in your life he can create a masterpiece out of you.
The word TESTIMONY means two beautiful things:
1. DO IT AGAIN - anytime God reveals his heart in a matter, you can rest assured he will not change his mind…if he did it for one, he will do it again. Sharing your testimony is powerful, because it reveals the heart of the Father to those around you, and it builds faith in others that He will “do it again”.
2. RESTORE
I’d love to share with you a glimpse of my life story, in hopes that it might encourage YOU to yield to the hand of God in YOUR life.
Have you either had periods of time where you felt like your life was a mess, or maybe you feel that way right now? Sometimes life can be painfully difficult!!
Listen, even if your life is full of drama, pain, or chaos - know that with God, it is a restoration story in progress. You aren’t a Hott Mess - You are a Masterpiece.
I want you to evaluate the ups and downs in your life, the importance of your journey and your specific story. I want you to recognize the power of God’s hand on your life.
See, for some, Faith is easy, it is for my husband. But, for a lot of us…I’d dare say most - our faith gets built one tiny step at a time. The world has damaged our trust to such a degree that it is hard for us to imagine HOW big and HOW good our God really is. He will meet us there and help us to trust him more, one tiny step at a time.
But 1 Peter 5:10 says:
And the god of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.
Friend, have you “suffered a little while?”
I’m a creative person, and so I tend to be pretty visual. God can usually give me a picture or a vision of what he’d like me to grasp - so if you think of your life as a sort of time line...
Generally, we imagine that life will be fairly good, with some scattered highs and a valley or two here and there. Imagine, a good steady heartbeat on a monitor…
Then we start living life, and it seems more like a roller coaster...ups, downs, twists, turns loops - sometimes you spend a good portion of the ride upside down, hanging on for dear life.
Am I right?
Now, I am a roller coaster junkie, the faster and wilder the better. There is a roller coaster at Silver Dollar City that makes me black out - it’s my favorite! It hits so many G’s out of the gate, that I literally pass out. It always has a picture of me looking mangled when we go down to the kiosk at the end of the ride.
Now, I will pay good money and spend an hour standing in line to black out on a ride, I’ll even buy the pic where my face looks mangled…But I have never knelt down and prayed - Lord, I want a blackout ride of life. God, please, throw me for a loop.
I doubt you have ever prayed that either.
But the truth is, in life - I have had some really high highs. I have had some twists and and turns and dips. I have had some boring bits too...I’ve also had quite a few blackout, tragic moments -
Just a quick highlight reel of some blackout moments…
My parents got divorced when I was 2 - and I vividly remember the night it all came unraveled.
My little sister and closest confidant, died when I was 20 - and I remember that entire day, and the days to come - every soul crushing detail. She was the person that I identified most with in the world. The hole in my world was so vast, I almost lost my ability to muster emotion or function.
In 2007, I got married (That isn’t a bad part LOL) but later that year, early on into the next - both sets of my parents (mom and stepdad, dad and stepmom) began the process of splitting up and divorces. - It was just as painful as the first time. Being an adult, didn’t diminish the loss or heartache. And watching my younger siblings lose their families hurt even deeper.
In 2011, I had a miscarriage, and then was “accidentally” misdiagnosed with an STD all at the same time..(I’ll write that story down someday - it’s a doozie) Needless to say, that was a REALLY, LOOOOONG, SILENT, 3 day weekend - waiting for new test results - at the Ellyson House! My husband and that doctor are both continually grateful that I knew Jesus and I was intent on maintaining my salvation.
After we got over the Great STD Crisis of 2011 (as we now call it LOL)... That long weekend was followed by a very dark year, of quietly mourning all of my missed mommy moments with my would be baby #3.
Just a few years ago, my child was abused by a family member - and when I say the words out loud, the pit in my stomach still aches.
Those moments, although they are painful, are not the end of my story. They are not completely bleak - God showed out all along the way. Even though, in the moment, I didn’t always realize it...looking back now - He didn’t ever leave me or forsake me.
I don’t believe that God orchestrated bad things to happen in my life. We live in a fallen world - surrounded by hurting people. We are sometimes subject to the consequences of other peoples’ bad choices as well as our own. The heartbeat of God is to lavishly love me, and he sent the blood of my Jesus to cover it all. Whether they were my mistakes or the result of someone else’s - He has used all of it for my good - and to continue the work that he is doing on the earth.
I’ll never forget the time that my Aunt Michelle - asked me a very simple question - she probably doesn’t even know it, but it was a revelation moment for me. We were standing in the kitchen washing dishes at Nan’s house, and she said, “ I have a friend who just keeps getting knocked down by life. How do you do it? How do you keep going? And how do you seem so happy?”
My first thought was, ‘LOL...UMMMM, does my life look a lot worse than I think it does? Am I living in delusion over here?’ I also took it as a compliment - that she would ask MY advice on keeping it together - because let’s face it - the thought of ME having it all together is hilarious!.
But she sparked a moment for me to really turn around and look at myself. I fumbled around, and I don’t even remember what I said, all I remember is the knowing in my knower - the faith and the confidence of my spirit man rose up and answered - with “GOD HAS ALWAYS been my source.”
In every blackout roller coaster moment - He sustains me.
In every chaotic unsettled place - He is my PEACE that surpasses ALL understanding.
If my life has taught me anything - it is that God will show up.
In my darkest place - He is the Light. On my brightest day He is still the Light.
In my deepest need He provides. In my most prosperous seasons - He is the Provider.
In my weakest moments - He is my strength.
When I am strong - Heaven knows, it is only because he is the source from which I draw strength….
You cannot subtract God from any equation in my life.
For the longest time, I believed that my story would just be hard. I had resigned myself to finding happiness in the brokenness. I was going to count it all joy... I decided that no matter how much it hurt, I would just be grateful anyway.
Don’t get me wrong, gratitude is powerful. Gratitude will step on the enemy’s toes.
But…
I didn’t fully grasp the depth and truth of God’s promises, and the work he had set out by sending us His Son. Even though, I believed that redemption was for me - my reality limited my imagination and my faith when it came to living in fullness and restoration. It was hard for me to fathom what restoration would look like - I also wasn’t convinced I deserved it.
God isn’t just a God of deliverance - he is a God of restoration!!!!!
God paints a beautiful picture of generous restoration for us - and he gives us a glimpse into what is possible in the life of Joseph. I love the story of Joseph so much! I identify with so many parts of it…If I was going to title the story of Joseph, I would call it “BUT GOD!”. That is probably what I would title mine too. The gist of Joseph’s story is this:
Joseph starts out his life as the favored son of his father Jacob. He is a tattle tale, and his brothers find the whole thing annoying. His brothers decide to get rid of him and throw him in a pit, BUT GOD was with him.
They drag him out of the pit and spare his life, and instead sell Joseph into slavery, and his beloved father thinks he died. Joseph has lost his home and his whole family. BUT GOD was with him and gave him favor.
He gets thrown in prison, BUT GOD was with him and gave him favor.
He ends up being 2nd in command just under Pharaoh. Joseph is pretty much the hero of the nation and those in surrounding areas, making sure to steward well during a feast so that everyone in the land won’t parish in the famine.
Fast forward to the end of the story, God not only brings his family back to him and restores the relationships (Insert praise hands!!). Joseph gets to be with his father and introduce him to his grandsons before Jacob dies. When his brothers come to Joseph after Jacob has passed, fearing what revenge he might have in mind - watch what happens:
Genesis 50:19-21
19 But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? 20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. 21 So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.
There is so much symmetry between the life of Joseph and Jesus - I could never sum it up here…but go read it!!
I want you to realize friend: If you have had some black out moments…if you have been in a pit, or in slavery, imprisoned in a situation…God will not only rescue you from that place - he has a plan to RESTORE you to fullness!!!
Jesus’ life and death were not only about redemption - BUT THE FULLNESS, IS TO RESTORE CREATION!
Did you know friend, that in the art world - a restored work is more valuable than an original?
They are!
See, a restored work of art is considered two works in one.
You have the value of the original - BUT THE RESTORATION IS CONSIDERED AN ENTIRE WORK IN ITSELF.
Please, STOP DISCOUNTING YOURSELF!
#1 YOU ARE GOD’S CREATION - A TRUE ORIGINAL.
#2. IF YOU GOT BANGED UP AND DAMAGED, GUESS WHAT?! GOD IS NOT FINISHED WITH YOU YET. No matter how many times you get broken or damaged, YOU ARE WORTH THE TIME AND THE COST TO HIM TO DO THE RESTORATION WORK.
HE SENT HIS SON FOR YOU!
...and restored - YOU ARE 2 WORKS IN 1 - FAR MORE VALUABLE THAN THE ORIGINAL.
I have had countless gifts come out of my hard moments. There is not a single one that I would trade or give up.
My story has value, because of the blood of Jesus - because he takes the time to restore my brokenness...I have been able to stand with others in theirs - and fan the flames of their faith. BECAUSE I KNOW - that if he did it for me - HE WILL DO IT AGAIN.
Romans 8:18 says:
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed in us.
You want to know what all of my parents divorces got me in the end? Multiplied Love. My family may not be conventional by your standards, but if you will go read Joseph’s story, a jacked up family tree is pretty bible y’all! I have brothers and sister that I love and adore. Step-parents who have shepherded me spiritually. Yes, it hurt, but God had gain for me!!
When my sister died - I had my first deep clear moment of realization that the less of me there is, the more of Him in me is possible. And I truly felt that Phillipians 4:7 peace guarding my heart. It was inexpiable by man - BUT GOD.
I will choose to live in weakness and brokenness, as long as it means I don’t have to be without His peace.
The great STD Crisis of 2011 - showed me a level of love for me in my husband that I didn’t ever think was possible in real life. No one left, and no one threw anything, we weren’t screaming hate at each other, and it jolted me to think that this marriage thing might actually have sticking power. See, before that - “history of divorce” was my story. It wasn’t what I hoped for - but I lived with the thought that it was probable…inevitable. God showed me, through this whole debacle, that my parent’s story, and my grandparent’s story didn’t have to be my story. God was doing a new thing at my house! Breaking of generational curses. Cutting off brokenness with His grace.
So when the day came - that I heard my son say the most heartbreaking words you could ever hear from a 5 year old - I KNEW GOD WOULD SHOW UP - for my son, and for us. And He did, again and again in the months that followed, keeping us covered, sending us just the right people to intervene. Surrounding us with love and support. My testimony started at 2 years old - and I wouldn’t change it. And while it rips my mommy heart out…I KNOW that God will take what the enemy intended for destruction, and he will use it for good - and to further His Kingdom.
Your story matters to God!!!
And your story also matters to somebody who is hurting and broken, who maybe doesn’t know what God can or will do for them.
Your restoration story is the lifeblood of Jesus, and somebody out there, who doesn’t know Jesus, will come to know Him by the work he does in you!!!!!
You are his masterpiece…
Your willingness to allow God’s hand on your life and cultivate relationship with him will be all the restoration power you need!